2XL(funny and adorable -me if I was a robot)
C-3PO (Very polite – if Downton Abbey had a robot it would be C3PO or any of the stiff white characters currently on the show)
Rotating G-Spot Rabbit Pearl Vibrator
Toaster that runs away fom Chewbacca
When I talk sexy, I like it to be with a puppet. Check out Penelope on Professor Puppet.
I’m looking for a job. So, I spent a ton of time thinking up names for a Band -just in case I learn to play an instrument, start a band and the band gets a job playing at sold out stadiums. (Super Bowl 2014, call me). Need to think up choreography that won’t make me over sweat. Here are the top names for my band so far…
Itty Bitty Fatso Band
Lap Band Band
Penelope and The Fuckapolypse
Not Your Daughter’s Band
U2 (still looking into legal issues on this one)
I mean, it kind of works for Valentine’s Day, right? Plus, she totally loves it! Look at her face! All peaced out.
Also, stop saying rave.
Hard to feel free if I’m having to hike up hard core control tops mid my Hypnotech, Amoebacon, Psytrancey, Funktrotting, Spacelullish Dongstep (new genre I’m originating).
Penelope will be on The Koz Effect on Friday, February 1st at 7PM.
Comics discussing politics. Don’t miss it!
…unless you’re married with children. Then, wow! It sucks to be you. Please accept my apology for looking so well rested and sexy. If I knew you were all depressed, neutered and farty, I would have toned down my glow.
So excited about the sneaker wedges I ordered. They’re super cool and good for my feet. Dr. Oz says so. Actually, it was Dr. Jay. Same diff. Gotta sext. Sexting totally goes with sneaker wedges. ;)
Quvenzhane, you did a great job. Academy? Turn your thinkers on! When the most celebrated work in your field is accomplished by a six year old, your field is either wetting the bed or acting. And that makes acting look stupid. It makes it look like…well, I guess acting.
That dog from The Artist was amazing. Where’s that bitch’s Oscar?
And I wanted to believe in Meryl Streep’s talent but apparently her job can be done just as well by a six year old or a Jack Russel.
No other field is like this. Guess who won’t win the AMA’s Doctor of The Year Award? A six year old. A six year old won’t even get to be one of Walmart’s many Employees of the week… Because Walmart has standards…not many but apparently, more than Hollywood.
Maybe you think the nomination makes sense because your kid seems so dumb. It’s tough to admit that your eight year old still won’t use a fork when someone else’s kid is doing press junkets, lunching at The Chateau and being fitted for a tiny Prada gown. Trust me. Your lil genius can pretend shit better than anyone or you wouldn’t be buying that fork crap. All kids are actors…not actors that deserve awards but talented and manipulative con artists.
I don’t think it’s kind to the child. It’s a lot of pressure. If she wins, isn’t it all down hill from there? “You peaked at six. Bummer.” But here’s the real test… Is it okay if we nominate a five year old for a razzie? What if they really sucked?.. Nope. We can’t. But if we could…
One fun thing -
And The Oscar Goes To…A name Collin Firth can’t pronounce.