DMV + Good Attitude

I had a blast a the DMV. Seriously, the DMV in Thousand Oaks is pretty nice as far as DMVs go. I asked the woman next to me in line to take this picture but it didn’t make us friends. It might have even made her stand a little further away which I also consider a win!

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Penelope’s on Professor Blastoff!

I’m on the Professor Blastoff Podcast! It’s a great podcast Tig Notaro, Kyle Dunnigan and David Huntsberger do! I’m a big fan of PB and these comics. Check it out! I’m talking about how I had to get a Pacemaker. Hilarious!..and also not. You’ll love Kyle’s meditation!

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Awesome Product Alert! Faux Book Spines

Look at all the purty colors!


If you want to look like you like books but actually hate books so much you don’t even want them in your home, this product is for you. Sure, sure, you could get some actual books and not read them but that would be almost like you supported literacy. And yes, it would be cheaper to buy used books but what if your child noticed they were real, read one and started thinking and shit? That would super suck. Better get these fake ones. Decorating tip – They look dope next to your real gun!

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Affordable Beauty Tips


Sand – Throw it someone’s eyes and they won’t see your imperfections as clearly

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t just wear dark colors- Hang out in the dark, pitch dark – bonus -you’ll save on electricity!

 

 

 

 

Use properly placed poop sachets to make others smell bad. Perfume is expensive. Poop is free and sometimes plentiful. Other times not so much.

 

 

 

 

 

Eat more fiber- See previous tip

 

 

 

 

 

 

Draw attention to your best feature – Use a sharpie and make an arrow. Don’t be subtle.

 

 

 

 

Cover yourself with dirt and tell people you’re from the forest. You get cut a lot of slack when you live in a forest.

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Oscar Fashions 2014 – With Professor Puppet and Penelope!

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Penelope is Teaching Nia!

It’s fun to dance!

And that is the number one reason I encourage you to join me for a Nia class. Here are a few other reasons…

Nia is a very effective work out for all ages and abilities.

Nia works the entire body and makes you look and feel great.

And seriously, it’s fun to dance!

Through Nia my body has gained strength, flexibility and feels more sexy and alive. Dancing has been a great way for me to reconnect with joy, sensuality and vibrant health. Nia is a very thorough workout and it facilitates me listening at a deep level to my body so I connect to myself and others with more love. And seriously, it’s fun to dance so, I hope you’ll join me!

I’ll be teaching Classic Nia Classes at Live Arts Los Angeles (LALA) in Los Angeles. They’re located at 4210 Panamint Street (nr corner of Eagle Rock Blvd) Los Angeles, California. The cost is $10.00 per class. Classes are taught Wednesdays 7:30 PM to 8:30 PM and Saturdays 12:00 PM to 1:00 PM. For more information you can contact me at PenelopeLombard@gmail.com or by phone at 818-590-3035.

For more information about Nia, check out my profile at http://www.nianow.com/penelopelombard or Not So Snotty Body on Facebook!

Nia on Facebook.
Live Arts Los Angeles (LALA) on Facebook.

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Favorite Robots

Hot Robot! Please Unplug.

2XL(funny and adorable -me if I was a robot)
Roomba
C-3PO (Very polite – if Downton Abbey had a robot it would be C3PO or any of the stiff white characters currently on the show)
Rubix Cube
Rotating G-Spot Rabbit Pearl Vibrator
Bobby Fisher
Toaster that runs away fom Chewbacca
Ann Romney

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Am I Ready To Rock?

I’m looking for a job. So, I spent a ton of time thinking up names for a Band -just in case I learn to play an instrument, start a band and the band gets a job playing at sold out stadiums. (Super Bowl 2014, call me). Need to think up choreography that won’t make me over sweat. Here are the top names for my band so far…

We're all dead now.

Itty Bitty Fatso Band

Lap Band Band

Hooker Ageout

Penelope and The Fuckapolypse

Not Your Daughter’s Band

U2 (still looking into legal issues on this one)

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Is It Weird To Make Posey Still Wear This?

Does this jacket make me look like I'm going to murder you?

I mean, it kind of works for Valentine’s Day, right? Plus, she totally loves it! Look at her face! All peaced out.

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Don’t Wear Spanx To A Rave

Also, stop saying rave.

Don't let my smile fool you. No amount of Booze, pills, snuff and Rolos can help me relax.

Hard to feel free if I’m having to hike  up hard core control tops mid my Hypnotech, Amoebacon, Psytrancey, Funktrotting, Spacelullish Dongstep  (new genre I’m originating).

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