Bio

Pen_Whoop_Whoop

Ms. Penelope Lombard

Penelope has written for The Soup spin off, The Dish and the Fashion Police. As a stand up comic, Penelope Lombard has been seen on Comedy Central, NBC and in clubs and colleges throughout the country. She starred in the FX Pilot Filthy Liars and has voiced characters for King of the Hill. Both her one-woman show, Licking My Chops and her Political Comedy, What I Did To Change The World. You’re Welcome. were featured at The Comedy Central Workspace.

In Los Angeles she received outstanding reviews for her weekly gig hosting Bang Theater’s Heroine Addicts and as a writer she’s done punch up for TV and film. Her short
film, Hey,Hey,Hey, It’s Saturday, won a contest and was produced by Peter Murietta.

Fantasy Bio

Whoop Whoop at The Rand

Penelope is 25 years old and won American Idol three times in a row, which is unprecedented and impossible…But those two words have always followed Penelope.

From her first Vanity Fair cover Move Over God, It’s Time For Penelope to her Oscar winning performance in The Whitney Houston Story. Penelope can do anything. Pretty enough to be a super model but simply not interested in what she looks like on the outside, Penelope first came to the world’s attention when she told L’Oreal to take their million dollar endorsement and shove it cuz women don’t need make up.She followed that gutsy move by telling Bongo Jeans to get a stupid dum-dum to be their spokes model which, they did.

Penelope won a Nobel Prize for inventing a serum that cures acne and doubles as an affordable and clean bio fuel that powers the entire planet. She is credited with solving the world’s financial problems and everyone says that compared to Penelope; the Dali Lama is a real douche…even the Dali Lama.

Did I mention magic lights shoot out her fingers and heal all sickness? She also uses the lights to instantly update her Twitter and travel through time to fix shit from the past. Yeah, she has a Pulitzer or two but she’s just all, “Whatev.” All men dig her and birds fly around her like she’s goddamned Snow White. Due to her personal legislation, cute animals can run for public office and the Chancellor of Germany is now a baby lamb named Boo-Boo. She has a bunch of planets and never farts.

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