Not To Do List

Don’t Google The Word Poison unless you’re dying to have Chris Cuomo or Chris Hanson interview you.

Don’t try to talk like a sassy black lady even if in my head it sounds like I’ve got it down.

Don’t talk at all…Just E.S.P.

Don’t buy any more maternity shirts just because they’re comfortable.

Don’t snack on Flintstones vitamins then tell people you’re eating more vegetables.

Don’t say “Boag” anymore…it’s not catching on.

Don’t send fun cards for Michael Jackson’s 1st year death birthday.

Don’t talk so much with your hands. It’s not working out to look cool.

Don’t read Woman’s World if it depresses you that some people really do want to know “Ten Things To Do with Used Coffee Grounds”.

Don’t talk out loud to the little wooden animals that sit above your kitchen sink…E.S.P them.

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