Penelope’s Fantasy Bio

Penelope is 25 years old and won American Idol three times in a row,
which is unprecedented and impossible…But those two words have always
followed Penelope. From her first Vanity Fair cover “Move Over God,
It’s Time For Penelope” to her Oscar winning performance in “The
Whitney Houston Story”… Penelope can do anything. Pretty enough to be a
super model but simply not interested in what she looks like on the
outside, Penelope first came to the world’s attention when she told
L’Oreal to take their million dollar endorsement and shove it cuz
women don’t need make up. She followed that gutsy move by telling
Bongo Jeans to get a stupid dum-dum to be their spokes model which,
they did. Penelope won a Nobel Prize for inventing a serum that cures
acne and doubles as an affordable and clean bio fuel that powers the
entire planet. She is credited with solving the world’s financial
problems and everyone says that compared to Penelope; the Dali Lama is
a real douche…even the Dali Lama. Did I mention magic lights shoot out
her fingers and heal all sickness? She also uses the lights to
instantly update her Twitter and travel through time to fix shit from
the past. Yeah, she has a Pulitzer or two but she’s just all,
“Whatev.” All men dig her and birds fly around her like she’s
goddamned Snow White. Due to her personal legislation, cute animals
can run for public office and the Chancellor of Germany is now a baby
lamb named Boo-Boo. She has a bunch of planets and never farts.

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