1) Started an online 40 Day meditation that I’m not supposed to start until October 3rd.
2) Looked up online to see what the spiritual cause of my lower back pain is…even though I know it’s from lying in bed so long.
3) Ate two cans of olives
4) Rearranged my bookcase so that the short books are with the short books and the most embarrassing books are the hardest to see (“Ending Overeating”, “Bad Cat”, “Costumes For Cats” and numerous other books with “Cats” in the title.
5) Cried about the fact that people keep giving me “Cat” themed gifts and cards because I’m a single woman with two cats. (Just give me a bottle of pills already!)
6) Cleaned my vases with Efferdent which I use to clean my bite guard which I need because I clench my jaw which I do because people keep giving me f*#king cat themed presents
7) Realized I’m a genius for cleaning my vases with Efferdent
8) Made two necklaces and decided to start my own jewelry company called “Shitty Ass Jewelry”
9) Acknowledged that I’m not that skilled at Marketing
10) Invented the work “Jobby” which means a hobby that you do like it’s your job even though no one that’s seen your work has ever given you any indication that they like it.
11) Planned what to say about the “Jobby” craze when I’m on Oprah’s new show pretending that I never thought the “Jobby” thing would be so successful that I would be talking to Oprah about it even though that’s exactly what I thought
12) Got upset because I think Jobby is the name of that robot that hangs out with Buck Rogers and now maybe my dreams won’t come true
13) Wrote more than 10 things on my 10 Things list
14) Checked to see if it was 10 “things” and it was 10 “Ways” so I put that on the list
15) Wrote another number even though I didn’t have another item
16) Are you still reading this?