The Retarticle Award For Excellence in Women’s Journalism

This week’s Retarticle Award goes to First For Women for, “10 Brilliant Uses For Paper Clips.”

Now that I have ten excellent nay “brilliant” ideas, I still have a question…Isn’t it 2011? Even Candy spelling got rid of her “Paper Clip Room” in the late 80’s.¬†Unless you just robbed a Staples, what’s with the trunks full of paper clips. Before diving in ask your self this? Without paper clips how will you anchor your many stacks of carbon paper? This is probably not a good time to mention my closet full of erasers, right? Lord, forgive me for hoarding all those mallots that pound on horse shoes.

But, if you’re a busy mom with three days to spend re-purpasing paperclips, I say start with # 10.

Get a Can. Fill can with paper clips. Tape up the hole that you just spent thirty minutes dropping paper clips into one by one. Now, shake can when ever your dog barks. Dog will shut it and possibly have a heart attack.

Here are tips I’ve added to this tip. Carry can at all times in case dog barks in more than one location. You’ll have to move very slowly in order not to accidentally shake can. You know what? Stay where you made the “shut up” can to be safe.

Also, if you don’t have a dog, make sure to get one before starting this project. Make sure the dog barks incessantly. If you can’t find a dog with a terrible barking problem, get any dog and scare it into a woof storm with a sudden loud noise. Use the directions above to complete the “Bark Inducing Can”. Use when dog is quiet. Use in middle of night to terrorize husband. Throw can at your stupid neighbor. Kick can down street while just wearing a bra and flip flops.

Thank God you saved those paper clips!!!!

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