1) “That’s weird! Alex never hits!”
Really? Because I know you gave him little boxing gloves for Christmas.
2) “Her teacher says Alabama is gifted!”
Then it’s even more weird that you named her Alabama, isn’t it?
3) “Listen! Ashley just learned to say ‘airplane’!”
Who taught her? A Yeti?
4) “If you can’t find something while we’re gone just ask Reese.”
Reese has the attention span of a 2 year old…because she’s 2. She won’t remember me tomorrow. She for sure doesn’t know where you keep the hard alcohol.
5) “Lulu doesn’t talk yet but she understands
everything we say.”
I’m sure you’re right. But, just to test it why don’t you tell her to shit in the toilet from now on.