I Still Hate Babies

I received yet another email regarding my post “I Hate Babies”. It is by far the nicest.

You kinda mean. Me too.

When I talk, you gonna hear some sh#t, Penelope.

“What the HELL is the matter with YOU, you disgusting pile of crap? How could you hate babies? I’m sorry, it’s just, OK, not everyone has to like babies, but I have NEVER met a person who ABSOLUTELY HATES THEM! Reading that post makes me sick to my stomach.”

I appreciate that the writer says, “I’m sorry”. That makes me think this message did not come from a baby because a baby would never apologize since they do not have language skills and are total dicks. They also don’t read, furthering my suspicion that it was not a baby who sent this angry note. They do whine a lot and sometimes they probably get sick to their stomachs but that is not enough for me to believe an infant wrote this.

Maybe I don’t hate babies…No wait, I think I do. Really they’re my least favorite form of person what with all their pooping, crying and busting out of women’s vaginas like it’s some kind of convenient baby door. Nothing 6-10 pounds should be coming out of there. I have one and it’s very small. Tiny. I pee steam. When I get hot, it whistles. True story.

Who planned for a live creature with a cartoonishly large cranium to burst through my lady parts like my labia are the doors to some ole timey saloon?

I’ll tell you who made that plan! God.

My bad. I don’t hate babies. I hate God. Now, every one feels good.

Mom is kinda ugly.

Do not put that diaper on me!

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2 Responses to I Still Hate Babies

  1. jw275 says:

    Brilliant!

    I also hate babies. They don’t do anything, they all look the same, and, frankly, they’re not very cute.

    However, most of the time I hate parents more.

  2. Kim says:

    I’ve hated babies since I was in pre-school. People told me I would change my mind. Now I’m 33 and hate them more than ever. When I see one, I want to kick it in the head. They’re ugly and smell disgusting. Their crying is so annoying that I want to punch them in the face. I don’t understand how their parents don’t shut them up when they cry and annoy everyone. I also don’t understand why the parents think their babies or kids are cute and smart. Parents are so delusional and always brag about their kids. Then when I finally meet the kids, they’re as ugly as sin and as dumb as a box of rocks. O f*cking hate babies and kids.

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